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File Title:  Can't Zip My Pants (Audio)   download_trans.gifDownload

My first song parody to the tune of "I hope you'll dance".

The closer I get to 40, the more I identify with the words of this song.

Sigh... Oh well, will someone pass the cheese fries please!

Can't Zip My Pants (I Hope You Dance…)

I was a cute young thing when I was in my 20’s

Everything was firm and I wore string bikinis.

I could wear tight jeans and there was nothing boinkin‘…

No saddle bags, no thighs made out of shortnin’.


But now I have three kids and I have got this middle,

And I wave at friends the back of my arm jiggles.

Now I hope that I’m not full of arrogance,

But I just might give a tummy tuck a chance.


I can’t zip my pants! (Pants)

Can’t zip my pants! (Pants.)


And while I never take one single meal for granted,

I don’t have to eat like locusts have just landed.

Pilates might be a mistake, but it’s worth makin’.

It’d be easier if I’d lay off the bacon.


I won’t let some skinny tart make me bitter,

And I won’t comfort myself with a apple fritter.

This week I’m giving yoga one more chance,

And even if I sweat and smell like girls from France.


I’ll zip my pants! (Jeans are a constant motivation always)

And then I’ll dance! (You can’t eat all day long…)

I’ll zip my pants! (Tell me who wants big ’ole thighs that roll like thunder

And then I’ll dance… (That is just soooo wrong…)


Well, it’s been six months and I can’t get the habit,

I don’t exercise, and I can’t eat like a rabbit.

I’ll never give Splenda a fighting chance.

And if I get the choice of real or Fat-Free Ranch…


I love real Ranch! (Ranch)

And buy Stretch pants.. (pants)

I’ll eat real Ranch! (Ranch… Hey! Don’t go and glob that on your salad…)

And buy stretch pants.. (You can’t go more wrong…My Lord oh -)

I love stretch pants! ( What a really awful fashion blunder…)

But not like Ranch! (Lycra's not that strong.)

Tell me who (Pants!) wants to look at their gut and wonder…

(Pants!) Where have my feet gone??

Submitted On:  06 Jul 2006
Submitted By:  ()
File Date:  10 Jun 2006
File Author:  Susan Burchett
File Version:  1.0
File Type:  Audio (.cda)
File HomePage:    Click to visit site
Downloads:  341
Rating:    stars/5.gifTotal Votes:2 
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Comments:  Laurie Burchett   2006-07-07 03:20:29
   You are AWESOME!!
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